My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
FUCK WHALES
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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