I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
