All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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