summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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