I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
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I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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