im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
