so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this boner is exhausting
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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