its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
