Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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