bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
