I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
