We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
