Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
