you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
