I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize