do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
