Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
