Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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