He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
