11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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