I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
