So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
