Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
