your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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