i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
