I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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