Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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