worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
