I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
