Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
there's paper in my vomit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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