Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
