Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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