You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
even my farts smell like vagina
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
