I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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