If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
