She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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