i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
