i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
