next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
