you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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