I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
