Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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