So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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