How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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