when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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