I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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