Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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