she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
