we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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