Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
