I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
