I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
