im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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