Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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