I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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