My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she smelled like a LAN party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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