I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
