The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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