Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Girls should come with a carfax report
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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