he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
