I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
