her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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