After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
