I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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