It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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