Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
