I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
