i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
