i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
