im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
