please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
