He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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