There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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