I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize