never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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